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never allowed me to see before。
There was a cabin； an ingenious dwelling tucked into a nook in the red sandstone； perilously close to the
flash flood line。 An unlikely place； far from any trail or path； built in what seemed a senseless location。 A
rough place； without any of the conveniences of modern technology。 She remembered laughing at the
sink one had to pump to pull water up from the ground。
“It beats pipes；” Jared says； the crease between his eyes deepening as his brows pull together。 He
seems worried by my laugh。 Is he afraid I don’t like it？ “Nothing to trace； no evidence that we’re here。”
“I love it；” I say quickly。 “It’s like an old movie。 It’s perfect。”
The smile that never truly leaves his face—he smiles even in his sleep—grows wide。 “They don’t tell you
the worst parts in the movies。 C’mon； I’ll show you where the latrine is。”
I hear Jamie’s laughter echo through the narrow canyon as he runs ahead of us。 His black hair bounces
with his body。 He bounces all the time now； this thin boy with the sun…darkened skin。 I hadn’t realized
how much weight those narrow shoulders were carrying。 With Jared； he is positively buoyant。 The
anxious expression has faded； replaced by grins。 We are both more resilient than I gave us credit for。
“Who built this place？”
“My father and older brothers。 I helped； or rather hindered； a little。 My dad loved to get away from
everything。 And he didn’t care much about convention。 He never bothered to find out who the land
actuallybelonged to or file permits or any of that pesky stuff。” Jared laughs； throwing his head back。 The
sun dances off the blond bits in his hair。 “Officially； this place doesn’t exist。 Convenient； isn’t it？” Without
seeming to think about it； he reaches out and takes my hand。
My skin burns where it meets his。 It feels better than good； but it sets off a strange aching in my chest。
He is forever touching me this way； always seeming to need to reassure himself that I am here。 Does he
realize what it does to me； the simple pressure of his warm palm next to mine？ Does his pulse jump in his
veins； too？ Or is he just happy to not be alone anymore？
He swings our arms as we walk beneath a little stand of cottonwood trees； their green so vivid against
the red that it plays tricks on my eyes； confusing my focus。 He is happy here； happier than in other
places。 I feel happy； too。 The feeling is still unfamiliar。
want to kiss me again？ Should I kiss him？ What if he doesn’t like that？
He looks down at me and smiles； the lines around his eyes crinkling into little webs。 I wonder if he is as
handsome as I think he is； or if it’s just that he’s the only person left in the whole world besides Jamie and
me。
No； I don’t think that’s it。 He really is beautiful。
“What are you thinking； Mel？” he asks。 “You seem to be concentrating on something very important。”
He laughs。
I shrug； and my stomach flutters。 “It’s beautiful here。”
He looks around us。 “Yes。 But then； isn’t home always beautiful？”
“Home。” I repeat the word quietly。 “Home。”
“Your home； too； if you want it。”
“I want it。” It seems like every mile I’ve walked in the past three years has been toward this place。 I
never want to leave； though I know we’ll have to。 Food doesn’t grow on trees。 Not in the desert； at
least。
He squeezes my hand； and my heart punches against my ribs。 It’s just like pain； this pleasure。
There was a blurring sensation as Melanie skipped ahead； her thoughts dancing through the hot day until
hours after the sun had fallen behind the red canyon walls。 I went along； almost hypnotized by the endless
road stretching ahead of me； the skeletal bushes flying by with mind…numbing sameness。
I peek into the one narrow little bedroom。 The full…size mattress is only inches away from the rough
stone walls on either side。
It gives me a deep； rich sense of joy to see Jamie asleep on a real bed； his head on a soft pillow。 His
lanky arms and legs sprawl out； leaving little room for me where I am meant to sleep。 He is so much
bigger in reality than the way I see him in my head。 Almost ten—soon he won’t be a child at all。 Except
that he will always be a child to me。
Jamie breathes evenly； sleeping sound。 There is no fear in his dream； for this moment at least。
I shut the door quietly and go back to the small couch where Jared waits。
“Thank you；” I whisper； though I know shouting the words wouldn’t wake Jamie now。 “I feel bad。 This
couch is much too short for you。 Maybe you should take the bed with Jamie。”
Jared chuckles。 “Mel； you’re only a few inches shorter than I am。 Sleep fortably； for once。 Next
time I’m out； I’ll steal myself a cot or something。”
I don’t like this； for lots of reasons。 Will he be leaving soon？ Will he take us with him when he goes？
Does he see this room assignment as a permanent thing？
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touching him has my heart aching again。
“Why the frown？” he asks。
“When will you… when willwe have to leave again？”
He shrugs。 “We scavenged enough on our way up that we’re set for a few months。 I can do a few short
raids if you want to stay in one place for a while。 I’m sure you’re tired of running。”
“Yes； I am；” I agree。 I take a deep breath to make me brave。 “But if you go； I go。”
He hugs me tighter。 “I’ll admit； I prefer it that way。 The thought of being separated from you…” He
laughs quietly。 “Does it sound crazy to say that I’d rather die？ Too melodramatic？”
“No； I know what you mean。”
Hemust feel the same way I do。 Would he say these things if he thought of me as just another human；
and not as a woman？
I realize that this is the first time we’ve ever been really alone since the night we met—the first time
there’s been a door to close between a sleeping Jamie and the two of us。 So many nights we’ve stayed
awake； talking in whispers； telling all of our stories； the happy stories and the horror stories； always with
Jamie’s head cradled on my lap。 It makes my breath e faster； that simple closed door。
“I don’t think you need to find a cot； not yet。”
I feel his eyes on me； questioning； but I can’t meet them。 I’m embarrassed now； too late。 The words are
out。
“We’ll stay here until the food is gone； don’t worry。 I’ve slept on worse things than this couch。”
“That’s not what I mean；” I say； still looking down。
“You get the bed； Mel。 I’m not budging on that。”
“That’s not what I mean； either。” It’s barely a whisper。 “I meant the couch is plenty big for Jamie。 He
won’t outgrow it for a long time。 I could share the bed with… you。”
There is a pause。 I want to look up； to read the expression on his face； but I’m too mortified。 What if he
is disgusted？ How will I stand it？ Will he make me go away？
His warm； callused fingers tug my chin up。 My heart throbs when our eyes meet。
“Mel； I…” His face； for once； has no smile。
I try to look away； but he holds my chin so that my gaze can’t escap