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ace was transformed； and had grown young； and he said something to me softly； some doctrine of our order； but so softly that I could not catch it。 Then we all seemed to go out of the room； and something strange happened。 We were sitting or lying on the floor。 He was telling me something。 But in my dream I longed to show him my devotional feeling； and； not listening to his words； I began picturing to myself the state of my own inner man； and the grace of God sanctifying me。 And tears came into my eyes； and I was glad that he noticed it。 But he glanced at me with vexation； and jumped up； breaking off his conversation with me。 I was abashed and asked him whether what he had been saying did not concern me。 But he made no reply； but gave me a friendly look； and then all of a sudden we found ourselves in my bedroom； where stood a big double bed。 He lay down on the edge of it； and I seemed to be filled with a desire to embrace him and to lie down too。 And in my dream he asked me； ‘Tell me the truth； what is your chief temptation？ Do you know it？ I believe that you do know it。’ Abashed at this question； I answered that sloth was my besetting temptation。 He shook his head incredulously。 And even more abashed； I told him that though I was living here with my wife； I was not living with her as a husband。 To this he replied that I had no right to deprive my wife of my embraces； and gave me to understand that this was my duty。 But I answered that I should be ashamed of it； and suddenly everything vanished。 And I waked up； and in my mind there was the text of scripture： ‘And the life was the light of man； and the light shineth in the darkness； and the darkness comprehendeth it not。’
“The face of Osip Alexyevitch had been youthful and bright…looking。 That day I received a letter from my benefactor； in which he wrote to me of my conjugal duties。
“December 9。—I had a dream from which I waked up with a throbbing heart。 I dreamed I was in Moscow in my own house； in the big divan…room； and Osip Alexyevitch came out of the drawing…room。 I dreamed that I knew at once that the process of regeneration had begun in him； and I rushed to meet him。 I kissed his face and his hands； while he said： ‘Do you notice that my face is different？’ I looked at him； still holding him in my arms； and I dreamed that I saw that his face was young； but he had no hair on his head and his features were quite different。 And I dreamed that I said to him： ‘I should have recognised you if I had met you by chance’； and thought as I said it； ‘Am I telling the truth？’ And all at once I saw him lying like a dead body； then he gradually came to himself again and went with me into the big study； holding a big folio book of manuscript。 And I dreamed I said： ‘I wrote that。’ And he answered me by an inclination of the head。 I opened the book； and on all the pages were fine drawings。 And in my dream I knew that these pictures depicted the soul’s love adventures with its beloved。 And I saw a beautiful presentment of a maiden in transparent garments and with a transparent body flying up to the clouds。 And I seemed to know that this maiden was nothing else but the figure of the Song of Songs。 And in my dream； as I looked at these pictures； I felt I was doing wrong and could not tear myself away from them。 Lord； help me！ My God； if Thy forsaking me is Thy doing； then Thy will be done； but if I am myself the cause； teach me what I am to do。 I perish from my vileness as though Thou wast utterly forsaking me。”
Chapter 11
THE ROSTOVS’ PECUNIARY POSITION had not improved during the two years they had spent in the country。 Although Nikolay Rostov had kept firmly to his resolution； and was still living in a modest way in an obscure regiment； spending comparatively little； the manner of life at Otradnoe； and still more Mitenka’s management of affairs； were such that debts went on unchecked； growing bigger every year。 The sole resource that presented itself to the old count as the obvious thing to do was to enter the government service； and he had come to Petersburg to seek a post and at the same time； as he said； to let his poor wenches enjoy themselves for the last time。
Soon after the Rostovs’ arrival in Petersburg； Berg made Vera an offer； and his offer was accepted。 Although in Moscow the Rostovs belonged to the best society—themselves unaware of the fact； and never troubling themselves to consider what society they belonged to—yet in Petersburg their position was an uncertain and indefinite one。 In Petersburg they were provincials； and were not visited by the very people who in Moscow had dined at the Rostovs’ expense without their inquiring to what society they belonged。
The Rostovs kept open house in Petersburg； just as they used to do in Moscow； and at their suppers people of the most diverse sorts could be seen together—country neighbours； old and not well…to…do country gentlemen with their daughters； and the old maid…of…honour； Madame Peronsky； Pierre Bezuhov； and the son of their district postmaster； who was in an office in Petersburg。 Of the men who were constantly at the Rostovs’ house in Petersburg； the most intimate friends of the family were very soon Boris； Pierre； who had been met in the street by the old count and dragged home by him； and Berg； who spent whole days with the Rostovs； and paid the elder of the young countesses； Vera； every attention a young man can pay who intends to make a proposal。
Not in vain had Berg shown everybody his right hand that had been wounded at Austerlitz； and the sword quite unnecessarily held in his left。 He had related this episode to everybody so persistently and with such an air of importance； that every one had come to believe in the utility and merit of the feat； and Berg had received two decorations for Austerlitz。
In the war in Finland； too； he had succeeded in distinguishing himself。 He had picked up a fragment of a grenade； by which an adjutant had been killed close to the commander…in…chief； and had carried this fragment to his commander。 Again； as after Austerlitz； he talked to every one at such length and with such persistency about this incident that people ended by believing that this； too； was something that ought to have been done； and Berg received two decorations for the Finnish war too。 In 1809 he was a captain in the guards with decorations on his breast； and was filling some particularly profitable posts in Petersburg。
Though there were some sceptics who smiled when Berg’s merits were mentioned before them； it could not be denied that Berg was a gallant officer； punctual in the discharge of his duties； in excellent repute with the authorities； and a conscientious young man with a brilliant career before him and a secure position； indeed； in society。
Four years before； on meeting a German comrade in the parterre of a Moscow theatre； Berg had pointed out to him Vera Rostov； and said to him in German； “That girl will be my wife。” From that moment he had made up his mind to marry her。 Now in Petersburg； after duly considering the Rostovs’ position and his own； he decided that the time had come and made his offer。
Berg’s proposal was received at first with a hesitation by no means flattering