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“Mamma; darling; how I love you! how happy I am!” cried Natasha; shedding tears of excitement and happiness and hugging her mother。
At that very time Prince Andrey was telling Pierre of his love for Natasha and of his fixed determination to marry her。
That evening the Countess Elena Vassilyevna gave a reception; the French ambassador was there; and a royal prince who had become a very frequent visitor at the countess’s of late and many brilliant ladies and gentlemen。 Pierre came down to it; wandered through the rooms and impressed all the guests by his look of concentrated preoccupation and gloom。
Pierre had been feeling one of his attacks of nervous depression coming upon him ever since the day of the ball and had been making desperate efforts to struggle against it。 Since his wife’s intrigue with the royal prince; Pierre had been to his surprise appointed a kammerherr; and ever since he had felt a sense of weariness and shame in court society; and his old ideas of the vanity of all things human began to come back oftener and oftener。 The feeling he had lately noticed between his protégée Natasha and Prince Andrey had aggravated his gloom by the contrast between his own position and his friend’s。 He tried equally to avoid thinking of his wife and also of Natasha and Prince Andrey。 Again everything seemed to him insignificant in comparison with eternity; again the question rose before him: “What for?” And for days and nights together he forced himself to work at masonic labours; hoping to keep off the evil spirit。 Pierre had come out of the countess’s apartments at midnight; and was sitting in a shabby dressing…gown at the table in his own low…pitched; smoke…blackened room upstairs; copying out long transactions of the Scottish freemasons; when some one came into his room。 It was Prince Andrey。
“Oh; it’s you;” said Pierre; with a preoccupied and dissatisfied air。 “I’m at work; you see;” he added; pointing to the manuscript book with that look of escaping from the ills of life with which unhappy people look at their work。
Prince Andrey stood before Pierre with a radiant; ecstatic face; full of new life; and with the egoism of happiness smiled at him without noticing his gloomy face。
“Well; my dear boy;” he said; “I wanted to tell you yesterday; and I have come to do so to…day。 I have never felt anything like it。 I am in love。”
Pierre suddenly heaved a heavy sigh; and dumped down his heavy person on the sofa beside Prince Andrey。
“With Natasha Rostov; yes?” he said “Yes; yes; who else could it be? I would never have believed it; but the feeling is too strong for me。 Yesterday I was in torment; in agony; but I would not exchange that agony even for anything in the world。 I have never lived till now; but I cannot live without her。 But can she love me? … I’m too old for her。…Why don’t you speak? …”
“I? I? What did I tell you?” said Pierre; suddenly getting up and walking about the room。 “I always thought so。…That girl is a treasure。…She’s a very rare sort of girl。…My dear fellow; don’t; I entreat you; be too wise; don’t doubt; marry; marry; marry! … And I am sure no man was ever happier than you will be。”
“But she?”
“She loves you。”
“Don’t talk nonsense …” said Prince Andrey; smiling and looking into Pierre’s face。
“She loves you; I know it;” Pierre cried angrily。
“No; do listen;” said Prince Andrey; taking hold of him by the arm and stopping him。 “Do you know the state I am in? I must talk about it to some one。”
“Well; well; talk away; I’m very glad;” said Pierre; and his face did really change; the line of care in his brow was smoothed away; and he listened gladly to Prince Andrey。 His friend seemed; and was indeed; an utterly different; new man。 What had become of his ennui; his contempt of life; his disillusionment? Pierre was the only person to whom he could have brought himself to speak quite openly; but to him he did reveal all that was in his heart。 Readily and boldly he made plans reaching far into the future; said he could not sacrifice his own happiness to the caprices of his father; declared that he would force his father to agree to the marriage and like her; or dispense with his consent altogether; then he marvelled at the feeling which had taken possession of him; as something strange; and apart; independent of himself。
“I should never have believed it; if any one had told me I could love like this;” said Prince Andrey。 “It is utterly different from the feeling I once had。 The whole world is split into two halves for me: one—she; and there all is happiness; hope; and light; the other half—all where she is not; there all is dejection and darkness。…”
“Darkness and gloom;” repeated Pierre; “yes; yes; I understand that。”
“I can’t help loving the light; that’s not my fault; and I am very happy。 Do you understand me? I know you are glad for me。”
“Yes; yes;” Pierre assented; looking at his friend with eyes full of tenderness and sadness。 The brighter the picture of Prince Andrey’s fate before his mind; the darker seemed his own。
Chapter 23
TO GET MARRIED his father’s consent was wanted; and to obtain this Prince Andrey set off to see his father。
The father received his son’s communication with external composure but with inward wrath。 He could not comprehend how any one could want to alter his life; to introduce any new element into it; when life was for him so near its end。 “If they would only let me live my life out as I want to; and then do as they like!” the old man said to himself。 With his son; however; he made use of that diplomacy to which he always had resort in case of gravity。 Assuming a calm tone; he went into the whole question judicially。
In the first place; the marriage was not a brilliant one from the point of view of birth; fortune; or distinction。 Secondly; Prince Andrey was not in his first youth; and was delicate in health (the old man laid special stress on this); and the girl was very young。 Thirdly; there was his son; whom it would be a pity to entrust to a mere girl。 “Fourthly; and finally;” said the father; looking ironically at his son; “I beg you to defer the matter for a year; go abroad; and get well; find a German; as you want to do so; for Prince Nikolay; and then; if your love; your passion; your obstinacy—what you choose—are so great; then get married。 And that’s my last word on the subject; you know; the last …” the old prince concluded; in a tone that showed that nothing would compel him to alter his decision。
Prince Andrey saw clearly that the old man hoped that either his feeling or that of his betrothed would not stand the test of a year or that he; the old prince; would die himself in the course of it; and he decided to act in accordance with his father’s wish; to make an offer and to defer the marriage for a year。
Three weeks after his last visit to the Rostovs; Prince Andrey returned to Petersburg。
The day after her conversation with her mother; Natasha spent the whole day expecting Bolkonsky but he did not come。 The next day; and the third; it was just the same。 Pierre too stayed away; and Natasha; not knowing Prince Andrey had gone away to see his father; did not know h