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alone;withoutwomentolovethem;withoutchildrentosoftenthem;andwithoutgodtomakethemthinkofheaven;alwaysturnintowildbeasts;yousee;soonemorningtheeldestson;whohadbeendrinkingtoomuchbrandy;wouldnotharnesstheplow…horses;hisfatherstruckhimwithhiswhip;andtheson;whowasmaddrunk;shothimdeadwithhisgun。〃
16th;p。m鈥斺€攊havebeenthinkingofthestoryoftheoldcashierthesetwodays;itcamesoopportunelyuponthereflectionsmydreamhadsuggestedtome。
haveinotanimportantlessontolearnfromallthis?
ifoursensationshaveanincontestableinfluenceuponourjudgments;howesitthatwearesolittlecarefulofthosethingswhichawakenormodifythesesensations?theexternalworldisalwaysreflectedinusasinamirror;andfillsourmindswithpictureswhich;unconsciouslytoourselves;beethegermsofouropinionsandofourrulesofconduct。
alltheobjectswhichsurroundusarethen;inreality;somanytalismanswhencegoodandevilinfluencesareemitted;anditisforustochoosethemwisely;soastocreateahealthyatmosphereforourminds。
feelingconvincedofthistruth;isetaboutmakingasurveyofmyattic。
thefirstobjectonwhichmyeyesrestisanoldmapofthehistoryoftheprincipalmonasteryinmynativeprovince。ihadunrolleditwithmuchsatisfaction;andplaceditonthemostconspicuouspartofthewall。whyhadigivenitthisplace?oughtthissheetofoldworm…eatenparchmenttobeofsomuchvaluetome;whoamneitheranantiquarynorascholar?isnotitsrealimportanceinmysightthatoneoftheabbotswhofoundeditboremyname;andthatishall;perchance;beabletomakemyselfagenealogicaltreeofitfortheedificationofmyvisitors?
whilewritingthis;ifeelmyownblushese;downwiththemap!
letusbanishitintomydeepestdrawer。
asipassedmyglass;iperceivedseveralvisitingcardsplacentlydisplayedintheframe。bywhatchanceisitthatthereareonlynamesthatmakeashowamongthem?hereisapolishcount鈥斺€攁retiredcolonel鈥斺€攖hedeputyofmydepartment。quick;quick;intothefirewiththeseproofsofvanity!andletusputthiscardinthehandwritingofouroffice…boy;thisdirectionforcheapdinners;andthereceiptofthebrokerwhereiboughtmylastarmchair;intheirplace。theseindicationsofmypovertywillserve;asmontaignesays;matermasuperbe;andwillalwaysmakemerecollectthemodestyinwhichthedignityofthelowlyconsists。
ihavestoppedbeforetheprintshanginguponthewall。thislargeandsmilingpomona;seatedonsheavesofcorn;andwhosebasketisoverflowingwithfruit;onlyproducesthoughtsofjoyandplenty;iwaslookingathertheotherday;whenifellasleepdenyingsuchathingasmisery。letusgiveheraspanionthispictureofwinter;inwhicheverythingtellsofsorrowandsuffering:onepicturewillmodifytheother。
andthishappyfamilyofgreuzes!whatjoyinthechildrenseyes!
whatsweetreposeintheyoungwomansface!whatreligiousfeelinginthegrandfatherscountenance!maygodpreservetheirhappinesstothem!
butletushangbyitssidethepictureofthismother;whoweepsoveranemptycradle。humanlifehastwofaces;bothofwhichwemustdaretocontemplateintheirturn。
letmehide;too;theseridiculousmonsterswhichornamentmychimneypiece。platohassaidthat〃thebeautifulisnothingelsethanthevisibleformofthegood。〃ifitisso;theuglyshouldbethevisibleformoftheevil;and;byconstantlybeholdingit;themindinsensiblydeteriorates。
butaboveall;inordertocherishthefeelingsofkindnessandpity;letmehangatthefootofmybedthisaffectingpictureofthelastsleep!
neverhaveibeenabletolookatitwithoutfeelingmyhearttouched。
anoldwoman;clothedinrags;islyingbyaroadside;herstickisatherfeet;andherheadrestsuponastone;shehasfallenasleep;herhandsareclasped;murmuringaprayerofherchildhood;shesleepsherlastsleep;shedreamsherlastdream!
sheseesherself;againastrongandhappychild;keepingthesheeponthemon;gatheringtheberriesfromthehedges;singing;curtsyingtopassers…by;andmakingthesignofthecrosswhenthefirststarappearsintheheavens!happytime;filledwithfragranceandsunshine!shewantsnothingyet;forsheisignorantofwhatthereistowishfor。
butseehergrownup;thetimeiseforworkingbravely:shemustcutthecorn;threshthewheat;carrythebundlesoffloweringcloverorbranchesofwitheredleavestothefarm。ifhertoilishard;hopeshineslikeasunovereverythinganditwipesthedropsofsweataway。
thegrowinggirlalreadyseesthatlifeisatask;butshestillsingsasshefulfillsit。
by…and…byetheburdenbeesheavier;sheisawife;sheisamother!
shemusteconomizethebreadofto…day;havehereyeuponthemorrow;takecareofthesick;andsustainthefeeble;shemustact;inshort;thatpartofanearthlyprovidence;soeasywhengodgivesushisaid;sohardwhenheforsakesus。sheisstillstrong;butsheisanxious;shesingsnolonger!
yetafewyears;andallisovercast。thehusbandshealthisbroken;hiswifeseeshimpineawaybythenowfirelesshearth;coldandhungerfinishwhatsicknesshadbegun;hedies;andhiswidowsitsonthegroundbythecoffinprovidedbythecharityofothers;pressinghertwohalf…nakedlittleonesinherarms。shedreadsthefuture;sheweeps;andshedroopsherhead。
atlastthefuturehase;thechildrenaregrownup;buttheyarenolongerwithher。hersonisfightingunderhiscountrysflag;andhissisterisgone。bothhavebeenlosttoherforalongtime鈥斺€攑erhapsforever;andthestronggirl;thebravewife;thecourageousmother;ishenceforthonlyapooroldbeggar…woman;withoutafamily;andwithoutahome!sheweepsnomore;sorrowhassubduedher;shesurrenders;andwaitsfordeath。
death;thatfaithfulfriendofthewretched;ise:nothideousandwithmockery;assuperstitionrepresents;butbeautiful;smiling;andcrownedwithstars!thegentlephantomstoopstothebeggar;itspalelipsmurmurafewairywords;whichannouncetohertheendofherlabors;apeacefuljoyesovertheagedbeggarwoman;and;leaningontheshoulderofthegreatdeliverer;shehaspassedunconsciouslyfromherlastearthlysleeptohereternalrest。
liethere;thoupoorway…weariedwoman!theleaveswillservetheeforawinding…sheet。nightwillshedhertearsofdewoverthee;andthebirdswillsingsweetlybythyremains。thyvisitherebelowwillnothaveleftmoretracethantheirflightthroughtheair;thynameisalreadyforgotten;andtheonlylegacythouhasttoleaveisthehawthornsticklyingforgottenatthyfeet!
well!someonewilltakeitup鈥斺€攕omesoldierofthatgreathumanhostwhichisscatteredabroadbymiseryorbyvice;forthouartnotanexception;thouartaninstance;andunderthesamesunwhichshinessopleasantlyuponall;inthemidstofthesefloweringvineyards;thisripecorn;andthesewealthycities;entiregenerationssuffer;succeedeachother;andstillbequeathtoeachthebeggarsstick!
thesightofthissadpictureshallmakememoregratefulforwhatgodhasgivenme;andmorepassionateforthosewhomhehastreatedwithlessindulgence;itshallbealessonandasubjectforreflectionforme。
ah!ifwewouldwatchforeverythingthatmightimproveandinstructus;ifthearrangementsofourdailylifeweresodisposedastobeaconstantschoolforourminds!butoftenestwetakenoheedofthem。
manisaneternalmysterytohimself;hisownpersonisahouseintowhichheneverenters;andofwhichhestudiestheoutsidealone。eachofusneedhavecontinuallybeforehimthefamousinscriptionwhichonceinstructedsocrates;andwhichwasengravedonthewallsofdelphibyanunknownhand:
knowthyself。
CHAPTER XII
theendoftheyear
december30th;p。m。
iwasinbed;andhardlyrecoveredfromthedeliriousfeverwhichhadkeptmeforsolongbetweenlifeanddeath。myweakenedbrainwasmakingeffortstorecoveritsactivity;mythoughts;likeraysoflightstrugglingthroughtheclouds;werestillconfusedandimperfect;attimesifeltareturnofthedizzinesswhichmadeachaosofallmyideas;andifloated;sotospeak;betweenalternatefitsofmentalwanderingandconsciousness。
sometimeseverythingseemedplaint